Odds and Ends
by ladyinblue6
Summary: Just some randomness. May or may not throw in some Hunger Games while I'm at it. Mostly based on funny tweets, music, and funny situations I've encountered. Enjoy. K-M rating.
1. Somebody That I Used to Know

She was drunk. So, so drunk. And kind of on the pathetic side, too.

"Fuck you, asshole-face-man!" she yelped as she slowly tumbled off her bar stool, pointing at no one in particular.

"Hey, Bella, maybe it's time for a cup of wawa?" I suggested in the voice I used with my first graders.

"Wawa." She snorted, her eyes closed as she felt her way back onto her stool. "Fucking Helen Keller and that book that we read..."

"_The Miracle Worker_," I reminded her.

"Yeah, that," she mumbled, her face cradled in her palms. Then she sniffed. Fuck, was she crying? "It's such a beautiful story!"

I rubbed her back. "Yeah, it really is."

"Edward?" she asked as the bartender shot me a glare as he placed a glass of water in front of her.

"Yeah?"

"Am I ugly?"

"No, hell no!" I exclaimed, surprised at the sudden turn of conversation.

"Then why'd Jake cheat on me?" she blubbered. She pulled her shirt down so that she'd be giving a nip slip if it wasn't for the sexy, lacy bra she had on. "I'm hot." She snorted. "I'm hot, I'm everything she's not, I'm cool, I dominate this school."

"Did you just bring it on?" I asked with a smirk.

"Oh, I can _bring it on_," she continued with a serious nod. "If there's one thing I'm good at, it's sex."

"Is that right?" She was going to hate me tomorrow.

"Fucking rights it is," she said, pointing at me, but because of her lack of depth perception, she actually shoved her finger in my mouth and twirled it around a bit. "I could make that little fucker scream like a little girl I was so good at sex." She sighed. "He could make me scream pretty good, too." The tears started again. "God, I'm probably never going to have sex again! If Jake didn't even want me, who would ever want me?"

"Oh, Christ, here we go again," I mumbled under my breath, grabbing my debit card and waving the bartender over so I could pay her tab and get her home.

"Would you fuck me?" Bella asked some random man. He was in shock at the question and didn't answer. "See, Edward! That guy won't fuck me! No one will ever fuck me again."

"We'll invest in a vibrator, then," I assured her as I punched my pin number in. "I don't need a receipt, thanks."

"No problem," the bartender replied. "Have fun with her."

I rolled my eyes. "The fun never ends with this one."

"I can tell," he chuckled. "See y'all later."

"Come on now, Bella, time to go home and cry in your own home with no one watching," I told her as I grabbed her bicep and proceeded to drag her out of the bar.

"I don't have to work in the morning, do I?" Bella asked as I buckled her seatbelt in my car.

"No, tomorrow is Sunday," I reminded her. "You only work Monday to Friday, eight 'til five."

"Right," she replied quietly. "And you work Monday 'til Saturday all hours of the fucking day." She snort-laughed. "Fucking loser."

I chuckled. "I make a hell of a lot more than you, though."

"Not in cool points," she argued. She started digging around the back seat for God only knows what. "Hey! These are Bree's Easter eggs from yesterday!"

"They sure are."

"Why are they here?"

"Well, I picked you up from your dad's place on Friday night and brought you home, and it's been a drinking binge since then."

"Right, from when I found Jake in bed with that girl."

"Right."

She stared at the three cartons of painted eggs in her hands. "Let's go to Jake's and throw these at his house and car."

I laughed, but she didn't laugh with me. "Seriously, Bella? It's, like, 2:30 in the morning. He'll be at home."

"Fucking good," she sassed. "I want to have words with that POS."

I shook my head but started to head in that direction. "Whatever you say, there slugger."

We got to her ex-boyfriend's house and she stumbled out of my car onto the front lawn and set her eggs down carefully before bending down and grabbing a handful of them. Her aim was off and the strength was there, but she sure had fun.

Finally, after a carton and a half, an egg hit the house instead of the walkway to his front door.

"Now and then I think of when we were together and how you said you were so happy that you could die!" she screamed as she continued to hit the same window over and over again.

"Fucking Goyte," she mumbled, because I knew she didn't know all the words. "Now you're just somebody that I used to know!"

"What the fuck?"

Looked like Jake had finally woken up to his ex-girlfriend serenading him.

"Bella?" he asked, still rubbing his eyes. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Egging your house, jerk-off!" she replied, humming an egg at him, hitting him in the chest.

"Listen, I know I fucked up, but is this really necessary?" he asked, stepping closer to her. Idiot.

"Maybe, maybe not, but it's making me feel a hundred times better," she said, throwing another egg at him, this time hitting his forehead.

"Edward, can you take her home?" he begged.

I shook my head and smiled. "Your fault, dude. I'm just the chauffeur."

He huffed. "Bella, baby, can you just go home and sleep it off? We'll talk in the morning. I've been phoning you non-stop since you left last night."

"Yeah, after the fifth call, she put her phone in the stove, grabbed a beer, and we left her house to start this shitshow."

"How long has she been at it?" he asked in shock.

"Since she left your place last night," I replied with a shrug. She phoned me around ten last night and she passed out for a couple of hours this morning, but she hasn't sobered up since then."

"Wow..." Bella smashed an egg over his head.

"Shit, we're out of eggs," she mumbled. "Let's go, Edward. He's just somebody that I used to know. Hasta la vista, moth'a fuck'a!" She giggled and ran back to my car.

"Good look getting the egg out!" I called as I jogged after her.

She passed out on the way home, thank God. I tucked her in at her place and slept on the couch. At seven the next morning, she was still passed out, so I was pretty sure that the binge was over.

She texted me at noon. "Why do I feel like death?"

"Maybe it was the 28 hour drinking binge," I texted back.

"Or maybe it's because you egged your ex's house at 3 AM while singing 'somebody that I used to know' by goyte."

"Wtf is wrong with me..."

"Nothing, my dear. Nothing at all."

* * *

_Inspired by a text from last night... "You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to know'." That was all I got from Twitter, and I went with it, lol._

_So, basically I suck at WIP's. Either I write the whole story ahead of time (which is definitely not happening for me right now) or I just post random little one-shots that may or may not be continued later on..._

_I have a good feeling about this little guy. So much potential. :) Now, if I were only done school... Two and three quarters more semesters..._


	2. The Asshole That Could

"God, you are such an asshole! The asshole of _all_ assholes, really," I ranted, throwing my hands up in the air as I walked through the lab, away from him. "Oh, I'm _Edward_, I'm Aro's favourite! I don't need to _clean_! I'm way above working in the clean lab, because _I_ do _densities_ and drive a big, douche-bag-esque truck!"

I was actually jealous that he got to drive the big, douche-bag-esque truck, but I'd never tell him that.

"You have it so easy, and you don't even know it," I finished.

I spun around, not at all surprised to see that he was following me with his usual smirk.

"Despite what you think, _Edward_, you are, in fact, _not_ better than me. People love me at this lab, and I'm pretty sure I could fuck any of the guys from ASL, so you can fuckin' suck it."

He arched an eyebrow, as if to ask if I was finally finished. All I did was cross my arms and raise my chin, as if it say "bring it, asshole."

He just smirked again before wrapping one of his hands around the back of my head and pulling it towards his, pressing his lips to mine.

I pushed away quickly. "That wasn't an invitation to kiss me, asshole." My eyes were still closed, my right hand clenching and unclenching on his chest.

"But you still liked it," he pointed out.

"God, you really _are_ an asshole," I breathed, stepping away from him. "I gotta go. My ASL boys are waiting."

"Mind if I come?"

I looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "You kidding me? I guess so. You can make up for not carrying my buckets of concrete. Asshole."

He chuckled and followed me out of the back door to the truck I signed out.

"So, where are we going, anyway?" Edward asked as he did up his seat belt and set his hard hat on the floor beside mine.

"Stonebridge," I replied, backing out of my parking spot. "Near the place where Emmett does all of his densities." I smirked my own evil smile. "Me and Emmett are pretty tight now. He even has the audacity to carry my concrete for me. He's just...great."

Edward just chuckled at my attempts to make him squirm. "I know for a fact that Emmett doesn't carry your concrete."

"And where would you get that idea from?" I replied smoothly.

"Well, for one, he doesn't know your name," Edward began. "Also, Emmett is the laziest mother fucker I've ever met in my entire life."

"He doesn't know my name?" I asked, shock coating my tone. "We've been working together for two months!"

"Emmett's a pretty self-centered guy," Edward offered with a sympathetic smile. "I, on the other hand, am completely selfless. It gives me _great_ pleasure to, uh, _help_ others."

I snorted at his lame innuendos. "Really? That's the best you got, hot shot? My six-year-old niece could do better than that."

He just shook his head with a smile. "Like you could do any better."

"Au contraire! Concrete is not only dirty in the literal sense, but it also brings dirty possibilities to the mind.

"Like what?" Edward asked.

"Let's just say you'll be regretting your decision to come with me this afternoon," I murmured with a grin.

When we got to the site, I followed the almost-roads to where they were laying the sidewalk. I almost picked a spot close to where the concrete truck would pull up, but decided against it, instead parking as far away as I could without being obvious.

I grabbed my clipboard and wrote down all the information I already knew before looking at Edward.

"Ready, hot shot?" I asked.

He nodded.

I gathered my hair up into a messy bun that would fit under my hard hat. Then I put my safety glasses and hard hat on.

"Showtime," I said with a grin.

I grabbed a pair of nitrile gloves from the pockets of my coveralls and pulled them on as I walked towards the crew that I was now familiar with.

"Hey, guys," I greeted with a smile.

"Hey, Bella! How're you this afternoon?" one of the guys, Tyler, asked.

"Oh, I'm pretty good, how about you?" I replied.

"Good, good."

Most of the guys on this particular crew were young, able, and good looking. I didn't mind spending time with them at all. Sure, some of them came on a little strong, but I knew that no one would ever actually cross that line – unless I asked them to, which I was tempted to do, especially in Tyler's case. He was a very, very hot man, with his dark chocolate skin and brown eyes. He reminded me of Chris Brown almost, except without the violent outbursts, I hoped.

"This is Edward, he's my bitch for the day," I told them while looking at Edward, who just shook his head and rolled his eyes while smiling.

"Good," replied Garrett, the extremely cute chute guy. We always flirted with each other. "I hate watching you struggle with those pails."

"Hey!" I cried indignantly. "I'm tough as nails! Check these pipes!"

I held my right arm up in the air and flexed. Garrett squeezed my bicep and let out a low whistle.

"That's pretty impressive, Bella," he said with a smirk. "I'll never doubt your strength again."

"Damn right you won't," I replied with a returning smile. "Now, if you'll excuse us, I need to school Edward here in having a tidy concrete testing zone."

Garrett chuckled. "Alright, hard ass. Go easy on the poor guy."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm never easy on any of you, why should I go easy on him?"

"'Cause he looks like he doesn't know the difference between a lightning rod and a tamping rod."

Garrett, Tyler, and I laughed while Edward fumed silently. Good. Asshole.

I turned back towards the truck, holding up my hand and waving at my two ASL guys. Garrett and Tyler both lit their cigarettes and continued talking about concrete.

"Those guys seem like assholes," Edward muttered as we walked back to the truck.

I barked out a laugh. "_They_ seem like assholes? Coming from the lead asshole himself?"

"Takes one to know one," he replied lamely, giving me a weak smile.

"Wow, you sure can dish it, but you cannot take it at all," I told him with a smirk. "Take a pill. They're just kidding around 'cause you're new. Do you think they had any respect for me when I walked on site for the first time? I'm a girl, a small girl. It took me five or so tests before they stopped looking at me and wondering why the fuck I was here instead of a guy." I huffed. "So, don't get pissy when you have to actually gain respect when you're used to it being given to you."

Edward's eyes flickered between mine. "I'm sorry," he said genuinely. "I mean, I knew girls got the shit-end of the stick in this industry, but I'm not really friendly with any of them usually."

I shrugged and smiled, my cheeks warming in slight embarrassment. "It's okay. Not your fault. You don't treat me like a girl, so you're not one of the sexist ones."

He rolled his eyes and laughed. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you? I should've just jumped out of my truck and helped you, I guess."

"Damn right you should've," I replied with a smile.

* * *

Definitely_ continuing this eventually. I've tried writing this storyline ten million different ways. This is kind of mid-story, and I'll probably post random one-shots from the past and the future based off of this. I'll always let you know whether it takes place before or after this original one-shot, which is called "The Asshole That Could."_

_Thanks! (:_


	3. Pizza Delivery Guy

There was a knock at the door.

He looked surprised to see me.

"Why are you all dressed up like that?" he asked.

"Like what?" I asked with a scowl, wrapping my arms around my waist.

He gestured to my pj's. "Like in fancy pajama's and a silk robe. Who'd you think would be at the door?"

I shrugged, feigning disinterest. "I was expecting the pizza guy, don't worry about it."

"You were gunna seduce the pizza guy?" he asked, smirking slightly.

"No," I immediately choked out. The delivery guy was so gross here. "No. It's just a...saying."

"No, it's not!" he laughed.

"Yeah it is!" I argued, smiling.

"It's really not," he said, shaking his head and smiling. "When people say they were expecting the pizza guy, they're literally expecting the pizza guy."

"God, whatever! What do you want?"

"You," he answered with a shrug and a shy smile.

* * *

_Maybe continue eventually? Idk. Enjoy. :)_


	4. The Spark

She's dynamic in her love for me. It's always moving and changing, swiftly, so swiftly that I get whiplash. We're acquaintances, we're friends, we're best friends, and then she kissed me.

Yeah, she was a little high, a little overtired, but she still kissed me. On the lips. With tongue.

Like I said. Whiplash.

She acts like it didn't happen. I picked her up from her house so we could go for our weekly brunch at the diner, and she smiled and said hello and crawled into my truck and looked at me with confused eyes, wondering why I was staring at her like that, why I wasn't moving towards the diner a little too fast because I was hungry.

"Well, are we gunna go?" she asked, pausing her hands from shuffling through her purse.

I coughed. "Yep. Sorry."

"S'okay," she assured me with a smile, returning to her purse, looking for whatever she was looking for.

I've followed Bella Swan around like a puppy since she moved her sophomore year. She moved in with her dad, Chief Swan, during the summer before we started tenth. I met her a couple of weeks before school, since Chief Swan hired me to mow the lawn for him.

She was – is – so vibrant. Tan, with brown hair and eyes, and long, long, fuck-me legs that were barely covered with her tiny denim shorts. She's grown into the rest of her body lately. Her boobs are proportionate with her hips which compliment her long, long, fuck-me legs.

I want her so bad it hurts sometimes.

But, I just follow her cues, waiting for the day that she finally, _finally_, realizes that the best boy – _man_ – for her is right here. Always has been right here.

At least I hope that's what's going to happen.

She throws her Converse-clad feet on top of my dashboard and starts to play along with the beat by slapping her hands on her thighs.

"_To this day, when I hear that song, I see you standin' there on that lawn,_" she mumbles to herself, looking out the window.

She always does this, this mumbling thing. It drives me crazy, but I adore her for being too embarrassed about her tone deafness to sing in front of me. I'm by no means a good singer, but I throw caution to the wind and belt out my favourite songs, changing the lyrics just so I can hear her laugh a little bit.

"Maybe I'll tattoo your name on my arm," I tell her after listening to the lyrics a little more. "Your mom won't mind, but your dad would probably burn the skin off." I laugh a little at the thought.

She rolls her eyes. "Edward, I'm pretty sure my dad loves you more than he loves me. He'd probably throw me to you if it meant he got to have you in his life forever."

I grin and shake my head, trying not to put on my rose-coloured glasses and let my daydreams of a life like that take over.

"Besides, I'd make you tattoo my name over your heart," she says quietly with a smile.

That's how I know we're gunna be alright.

* * *

_Definitely, definitely continuing this. Might only be a three-shotter, though. Based on the song Bella's singing in the chapter, "_Springsteen"_ by Eric Church, my future husband. I get to see him this summer at Craven! Eeeeee!_

_I've just finished a "half" semester. Wrote my last hydraulics final EVER (I hope, lol) today! Then, on Tuesday, I leave for the north to do camp with two of my teacher. Should be...interesting, lol. Then only five more weeks and then FREEDOM! Expect more writing then! (:_

_mary-bo-berry_


	5. Give Me Love

I hate waking up and knowing he's not here beside me. Either he's left for work already or he fell asleep in front of the TV. Again.

Sighing, I slipped out of bed and tiptoed across the cold wooden floors into our bathroom to brush my teeth before waking the kids up. They were used to him being gone. I still wasn't. It had been three years since the big promotion that got us this nice house and the new van and our youngest, Emma.

Then work got in the way, obviously. Edward went from 40-50 hour weeks to 60-plus hour weeks. We had three kids that were under the age of seven, and even though they were the reason that I got up in the morning, they could be a real pain in the ass if any one of them was having a bad day, which happened more often than not.

I was worn down to the bone. I needed a break. I was lucky to get four hours of sleep, with trying to keep up with laundry and cleaning this massive house at least once a week.

The fact that Edward barely pecked me on the lips anymore just added to my tiredness. I just wanted a little bit of the love we used to have. Ten years we'd been married, fourteen years together. Ten years exactly in five days. Did I hear any news of plans for this anniversary? No, of course not. I'd probably end up getting a babysitter just so I could have a bath and a glass – or a bottle – of wine while Edward worked another late night. Surprise, surprise.

This is what my life was now. God knows my mother warned me when we decided to get married at the tender ages of 19 and 20. I felt so much older than 29. Much, much older. I probably looked much, much older, too. Although my sweetheart, David, always told me I was the prettiest mom. He'd be such a charmer when he grew up, with his hazel eyes and auburn hair. He took after his dad, that one did.

The day went by like it usually did. I sent Elizabeth off to school on the bus and dropped David off at his last day of Kindergarten. My babies were growing up so much faster than I expected them to. It seemed like only yesterday Edward and I found out we were pregnant for the first time. What I wouldn't give to have those easy-going days back sometimes...

Emma and I went grocery shopping and to the park to burn off her seemingly never-ending energy. That girl could run circles around her siblings and her mother, much to my dismay. I could barely keep up with her, let alone two other energetic kids and a dog, and my sometimes present husband.

Plus, I was rearing to get back to work. As soon as Emma was in Kindergarten, I was going back to the work force. I hadn't told Edward yet, because I knew he'd probably make a bigger deal out of it than he needed to, but I really wanted to be able to interact with adults that weren't my children's teachers or babysitters or the ladies at the grocery store.

Chartered accounting wasn't exactly my dream job, or anyone's really, but I didn't mind it, and it paid decently. I was good at it, and I knew I'd be able to get my old job back in a flash. Mr. Hunter had been sad to see me go. Edward thought it was because he had a thing for me, and that may have been the case seven years ago, but we certainly wouldn't have that problem anymore. I had stretch marks and saggy boobs and I walked around like a zombie half the time. I was surprised anyone could even look at me without cringing anymore.

Emma went down for a nap at one in the afternoon and I took Lucky out into the backyard with the baby monitor and a pitcher of iced tea. I let Lucky run around our huge backyard while I read my book and relaxed until Emma woke up at 2:30 and I got her changed and ready to pick up the kids from school. David was on a sugar high from his last day party and Elizabeth was reading her new book from the library. We went home and I let the kids and Lucky out into the backyard for some more energy burn-off time while I cooked supper. Thank God our kitchen faced the backyard or I'd never get anything done.

As soon as I put the big pan of what was going to be baked penne, Elizabeth carted in a bawling Emma.

"Emma felled!" David chirped.

"Fell, David," I corrected. "She fell."

"Right," he quickly agreed. "She fell right over top of Lucky while she was sleeping and bonked her head in the grass."

"Oh, sweetie," I cooed picking her up and holding the back of her head with my hand and cuddling her close. "Did you bump your noggin?"

She nodded and continued to cry. I gave her a couple of kisses and snuggles, and she started to calm down.

"Why don't you two help Mom out by setting the table, okay?" I requested, pointing to the plates and forks I had set out on the lower counter. Elizabeth immediately grabbed them and David trotted dutifully after her. Oh, my sweet babies, they had their moments, but they were good kids. I lucked out in that department.

I calmed Emma down enough to set her in the high chair we had in the kitchen and dumped some cheerios on the table in front of her. She began chewing on them quickly and I made a quick Caesar salad.

We had the table set and everyone – except for Edward, of course – eating by 5:30, just how I liked it.

"So, David, how was your last day? Did you give Ms. Stanley the present we made for her?"

"Yep!" David replied cheerfully, playing with his penne on his plate. "She said she loved it and hoped I had a great summer."

I smiled. "That's good, honey. How about you, Elizabeth? I saw you got a new book. Do you like it?"

"Mhm," she hummed with a smile. "I finished three chapters already! I'm the fastest reader in the class, that's what Mrs. Yorkie said."

"That's great, sweetheart! I'm so proud of you!"

"So am I," a deep, familiar voice agreed from behind me.

"Daddy!" David and Elizabeth crowed, jumping out of their seats to greet their father with big, messy handed and faced hugs. Edward didn't care, though. If one thing was for certain, he loved those kids more than anything in the world.

Emma squirmed in her high chair, reaching for her dad with loud, shrill giggles.

"How's my sweet girl?" Edward asked Emma as he grabbed her out of her chair and kissed her dirty face a couple of times.

"Daddy home!" she cried, clapping her hands a few times joyfully.

"Yes, Daddy's home," he agreed with a chuckle.

He hadn't even acknowledged me yet, but I couldn't find it in my swelling heart to be upset. This was the first time in over a week that he'd been home for dinner during the week. We always, always, always had family brunch and supper on Sundays, but other than that, we were lucky to see him before seven or eight at night.

"I'll get you a plate," I murmured, even though Elizabeth and David were already chatting with him about their days.

I grabbed a plate and fork out of the cabinet and returned to the dining room, smiling wistfully as I watched my family talk and laugh. Edward sat beside Emma and wiped his hand over her hair and nuzzled her cheek with his nose before asking David if he was excited to start playing t-ball next week.

Before I returned to my seat, I set Edward's plate in front of him.

"Thanks, babe," he said, glancing at me with a quick smile before returning his attention back to David.

I ate and watched my family before beginning to slowly start the cleaning process again. Did it ever end? I cleaned Emma up best I could before declaring, "I think it's bath night."

"But, moooooom," David whined. "Bath night was two nights ago!"

"Bath night is always every second night," I reminded him, picking Emma up and stripping her quickly down to her diaper. She squirmed in my arms. She loved bath night.

"Mom, can I have a shower with you?" Elizabeth asked with pleading eyes.

"Sure, honey, as long as you get clean before the weekend," I told her with a smile.

"How about you and I have boy time, Davey?" Edward asked David. "I'll run your bath in mine and mom's tub and we can play with some toys."

"Okay!" David agreed readily.

"I think you need to be home in time for baths more often," I said drily, leaving the dining room before Edward could answer with something about work.

Emma was in and out of the tub quickly and into her jammies before 7:30. She was my little night owl, though, and liked to stay up until ten. I took her into the living room with a book, and grabbed Elizabeth along the way. I'd have to wait for Edward before Elizabeth and I could shower.

Elizabeth read to Emma while we waited. She was turning out to be quite the little spark plug. She was as smart as whip, my Elizabeth was. Edward's mother wanted us to start her a year early, but we decided to wait a year, and thank goodness we did. She would've struggled in the class above hers, and it felt good seeing her excel in her own age group.

Edward was down with David by 8:00. He turned on Mickey Mouse Playhouse for David and Emma, and they were completely transfixed by the TV. I smirked and shook my head at him and he just shrugged with a shit-eating grin. Elizabeth and I showered quickly and got her into her pj's before joining the rest of the family downstairs.

David crashed early, just after 9, because of his big last day at school. Elizabeth went to her room at 9:30 to read for a while. I knew she'd be out before 10. Emma, Edward, and I watched another episode of Mickey Mouse and she eventually fell asleep in Edward's arms at quarter after ten.

Edward and I shut the TV off and locked all the doors and set all the alarms and turned off all the lights before heading to our room. My hair was still damp so I blow dried it while Edward showered quickly. I was brushing my hair in front of the mirror of my vanity when he re-entered the room wearing nothing but a towel. He still looked good, better than good, at the age of 30. He wasn't as muscular, but he was still trim. He ran often enough to keep his slim figure. He had a tattoo that kept growing with every child we had. Elizabeth, David, and Emma were all listed over his heart, as well as swan that represented me.

He pulled on his boxers and laid on the bed letting out a sigh. I was never so thankful that we decided not hook up our satellite dish to the TV in our room.

I crawled into bed with him, settling next to him, touching his chest lightly.

"How've you been? I feel like I never see you anymore," I admitted quietly. "You don't even come to bed anymore..."

"I'm sorry, Bella," he murmured, turning to look at me. "I just...I'm tired, and this is the busy season, you know?"

"I know," I replied, my voice already thick with impending tears. "I just feel like...I'm the nanny and the maid. Not the wife."

His hand stroked my arm and he smiled at me. "You know I love you more than anything, don't you?"

I shrugged, looking down to hide my tears.

"Hey," he said, tilting my chin up with his fingers. "I love you, okay? I do. Never, ever doubt that."

"It's kind of hard not to doubt your love for me when you barely even look at me anymore," I said. "I know I'm not nearly as beautiful as you thought I was when we were in high school, but I just – I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess–"

"Whoa, what?" Edward asked. "Not beautiful? Bella, you are the most beautiful woman in the world."

I snorted. "Okay, whatever."

"You are!" he said, raising his voice slightly. "Where is this coming from? You never had self-esteem issues before. You _know_ I think your beautiful."

"I know you used to think I was beautiful," I reworded. "We haven't talked about anything other than the kids in I don't even know how long. We haven't had sex in, like, a month, Edward. We used to have sex every day before Emma came. Or at least every other day."

"Believe me, I know _that_," he said with a snort, running his hand through his hair. "I've been talking to Aro about my hours. Sixty hours is okay for a guy in his 20s, a guy that needs the money and whatever, but I've made more than we need. I'm still gunna be supervisor, but I'm cutting my hours back down to 40-50 hours a week. It'll still be busy from May 'til October, but I'll be home more."

Tears filled my eyes. "Thank you. I really appreciate that. The kids miss you so much..."

"What about you? Don't you miss me?" he asked, smiling slightly, a little nervously if I wasn't mistaken.

"Of course I miss you," I whispered. "I just feel like you don't miss me."

"Hon, I don't know what I need to tell you to let you know that I love you and I miss you whenever I'm not with you. My feelings haven't changed in the past 14 years," he told me, getting frustrated.

"Maybe I wouldn't doubt your feelings if you reminded me every once in a while," I suggested. "Love me. Tell me you miss me. I know it seems so high school, but I need those reminders. I'm not a mind reader, despite what this family may think."

He chuckled at that. "You do always seem to know who's doing what and where and when. Sometimes it's hard for me to realize that you can't just see that I love you from the way I look at you."

"I love you," I whispered, pecking his lips lightly. "So much."

His grin spread slowly. "I love you so much it hurts, Bella."

"Show me."

* * *

_Based on "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran. I don't know how accurately this could be taken, seeing as I've never been married or had children, but I do know how hard it is for stay-at-home mom's. My mom is a stay at home mom, and I don't know how she survived the years where my sisters and I were all under the age of ten. I mean, four girls? Seriously? I can't thank my mom enough for raising me to be the person I am..._

_This is the last of my pre-written Odds and Ends one-shots. I think I'm going to start expanding some of the one-shots now. I'm leaving on Wednesday morning for camp, and I definitely won't be writing up there. I don't get back from camp until the 12th, and even then, I'm going to be spending as many hours at the school as possible trying to get my drawings to work and all of my notes neat enough so that I can design a bridge in ANOTHER class in the fall... Le sigh... Engineering. Who needs it? (Answer: everyone. Unfortunately.)_


	6. Somebody

After ditching Jake, Bella proceeded to party like she was 17-years-old again. She'd get so hammered that she'd have to go home by 11, if she was having a good night, and then be able to get to work the next morning without feeling too shitty about herself.

The only bad thing was seeing her hooked up with anyone. Literally anyone. She made out with a woman for the first time. Just so this guy would buy her drinks for the rest of the night. I think the girl she made out with tried taking her home, too, until she realized how much of a mess Bella was that night.

God must've really felt like dealing me a lucky hand by making me Bella's friend and forcing me to have feelings for her as well. Watching her get drunk and make out with bearded men more often than not was absolutely heart-wrenching. I mean, it was fucking hilarious, but she crossed the line after one week of that shit. Now it was just getting old. And I was starting to get a little possessive.

"Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. It was magical," she texted me one night. And then followed up with, "Why aren't you here? I feel pathetic being at the bar alone."

I texted back, "Well, you are being kind of pathetic. Besides, I worked at the restaurant til just now, and tomorrow is a big day at school. Sorry."

"Ouch."

Well, the truth hurts, sweetheart.

* * *

_More from "Somebody That I Used to Know"_


	7. The Asshole That Should Have

_This is the prequel from "Asshole." Kind of the day that started it all of sorts. (But not really, lol.)_

* * *

"Hey, Bella, we've got a concrete test at that gas station on Central," my boss, Carlisle, told me in a rush. I really liked my boss, but, God, was he ever unorganized...

"Um, okay," I replied, setting down the flipper I was using to stir my sieve sample. "When?"

"Like, now," he said with an embarrassed chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck.

I smirked. "Alright, I'm on my way. You're lucky I always keep my truck packed for you, there, Carlisle."

"I know, I know," he replied, his smile a little more pronounced now that he had someone on the job. "And, when you get back, I'm gunna get you to do some proctors for me. They need to have the numbers by Monday out on Highway 11."

I shook my head. "Okay, okay. I'll do my best."

"Thanks, Bella."

"No problem," I told him before turning to Jessica, the only other person in the lab that wasn't running around like a chicken with its head cut off. "You okay with doing these sieves by yourself? I'll be back in about half an hour. I have a feeling I'm already late for this test."

"Yeah, I guess I can do them. I already have three going, but I'm sure I can handle another two," Jessica said with her usual whine. Bitch needed to learn how to work...

I gathered up all my stuff and headed out to the site I _thought_ I was supposed to go to, and then realized that Carlisle told me the wrong gas station.

Now I was extra late.

I hurried to the east end of the city, getting there just as the first concrete truck was backing into place.

"Thank fuck," I mumbled to myself, parking my truck as close to the site as I could.

I hopped out of my truck with my hard hat, safety glasses, and nitrile gloves already on before setting up my little concrete station quickly. Mm, this was a company I hadn't worked with before... They were all Mexican. And I couldn't understand a word they were saying. What a day for my high school Spanish to fail me.

Luckily, I recognized the concrete company, La Farge, but not either of the drivers.

The one driver was helping the concrete crew back the first truck into place to pour the slab of concrete that was going to be around the gas pump.

I stood back and waited for them to figure out what was going on. I had a feeling it was going to take a while. The driver helping the concrete crew was screaming at them for not helping the driver to properly back into place. Good times on site. Always.

"Hey!" someone called out from behind me.

Today was already a bad day for me. I'd be at work since 6 AM, and I was skipping lunch, _again_, and I did _not_ need to deal with some asshole that wanted me to move my shit so he could get a better look at something that was none of his business.

My temper had increased ten-fold since being introduced to such a sexist environment, and I was just now learning to retaliate with a little condescending knowledge and a mean bitch-brow. It hadn't failed me yet, and I was hoping it wouldn't fail me now.

I turned around, bitch-brow in full force, and a bunch of engineering jargon on the tip of my tongue before realizing it was one of my co-workers.

In fact, it was a very specific co-worker. A co-worker that smiled and stared at me, but would rather brood than talk to me. A co-worker that looked damn good in anything, including the bright orange over/coveralls that we wore every day, and still managed to keep my attraction going strong even after I caught him picking his nose.

"Hi," I yelled back over the noise from the concrete truck. I looked over my shoulder. They were pouring the concrete. "Just hang on a sec, okay?"

I ran over to the chute and grabbed to pails of concrete, expecting a pair of helping hands to show up and help the "weak" girl, but that didn't happen. I looked up after I grabbed my two pails and hauled them over to my station, which just happened to be facing the opposite way of a certain someone. Good. Maybe he'd fuck off if my back was turned.

"You were late!" he yelled at me instead. "They were going to make me do the concrete test!"

"Too bad I didn't show up then, huh?" I snarked back. "That would've been interesting, to say the least."

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, a little more than interesting I think."

"So, what are you doing out here anyway?" I asked as I poured my concrete into my Rubber Maid container and began mixing it with my scoop.

"Densities," Edward replied, pointing to the opposite side of the gas station, where they were still excavating.

"I see," I said, looking down at my concrete and back at him before turning my back to him and starting to do my air test. As much as I would _love_ to talk to the biggest asshole I worked with, I had a time limit.

He finally got the hint after my second layer of concrete.

"I'll see you back at the office," he called at me before backing out of the spot he occupied and leaving.

"Sure, sure," I mumbled. "Maybe you can watch me while I struggle to take in my concrete kit, or maybe you can watch my crush cylinders with my bare hands while I wish they were your face."

I needed to start doing yoga or something. There was way too much rage in my mind when I was around that guy...

* * *

_So, this day, for the most part, actually happened while I worked at my engineering company in the summer/fall of 2011. I worked with this one university student that was so incredibly good looking and decently nice. I did catch him picking his nose one day, and surprisingly, it did not stop my attraction for him. I mean, yuck. The guy picked his nose. But, alas, he was still hot. Also, he'd stare at me whenever he happened to be in the office, but we hardly ever talked. Maybe he stared because I laughed exuberantly while in the clean lab and basically kept my lips zipped in the soil lab, where he worked. I don't know, but that little crush certainly kept my summer interesting. I wish I knew where that guy was, because I would totally make out with him (or sit on his face). ;) _


	8. Pizza Delivery Guy part deux

After he got me (and agreed that I truly was waiting for the pizza delivery guy, and that it was, in fact, a saying), we fell in mad, crazy, stupid love.

He moved in within the first few months, slowly leaving more crap into my little corner house that barely had enough room for my cat, Diane, and I.

We made room though. Love always makes room.

Currently, my favourite thing to do was lock Edward out of the house (or car) until he danced for me.

It all started one night when we got tipsy by ourselves on our six month anniversary and Edward did a little striptease. It wasn't so much sexy as it was fucking hilarious. He had no rhythm and his skinny little hips moved so quick I was scared he was going to flick his dick right off his body.

So, now I always made him dance for me, especially when I was having a bad day.

He took the garbage out for me one afternoon when I got home from work and snapped on him because he hadn't done anything on his day off. He wasn't a fighter, and he just took shit lying down, so it made me even more upset.

As soon as he left the house, my anger slowly left my body with every exhale. Soon I was grinning and locking our front door and waiting by the window to see him do a little dance, and hopefully make a little love eventually.

He tried opening the door without noticing me in the window. He looked confused and tried it again.

"What the fuck?" I heard him mutter. Then he knocked and called my name.

"What's wrong?" I asked innocently.

"The door's locked!" he exclaimed, presenting his obstacle with his hand.

A smile slowly took over my face. "I know."

"What do you mean, you know?" he asked skeptically. "You locked me out?"

I nodded, biting my lip.

"What the hell, Bella?"

"Dance for me," I said, still smiling.

"What?"

"Dance for me!" I repeated. "Do the Carlton or something."

He tried to fight his smile, he really did, but he couldn't. "Just let me in and then I'll dance, I promise."

I shook my head. "Nu-uh. Dance for me, baby."

He chuckled and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. Then he looked me in the eye and started doing the Carlton and then the cabbage patch. I laughed so hard I snorted.

I finally unlocked the door, and let him back in.

"Thank you," I sang to him, scooping him up in my arms and hugging him hard.

"Anything for you, babe."

* * *

_Completely and totally inspired by an America's Funniest Home Videos video. Look it up if you can. It's hilarious and so fucking adorable._

_So, this is probably the last for these two. This is Pizza Delivery Guy part deux. I have a bunch more ideas coming your way soon!_


End file.
